i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
