We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
