My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
