Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
