she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
