Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
