i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
