What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
