It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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