Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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