dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
