thus making me awesome and them whores
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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