guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
