You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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