What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
