My first STD was from a foam party
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
In America we eat man semen.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
