and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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