the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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