when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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