you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
