I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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