Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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