got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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