yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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