Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
