y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
