Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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