she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
