great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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