is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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