I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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