Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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