i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
