So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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