Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
