i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
