there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
