Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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