You just made me feel so damn special
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
