i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Randomize
