You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
