I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize