hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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