is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she pinky promised me she was 18
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
