my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
