and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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