K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
