sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
