god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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