gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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