hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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