I heard we made out
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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