Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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