Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
