why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
